A two day rollercoaster....glad to be off of it

***sorry if this is jumbled up and not quite melding....im still processing everything***

The past few days have had many emotions either mixed together or one after another.
Last night an old friend of mine(whom ive purposfully distanced myself from) came into the store and as soon as she saw me she shrieked " JENNIFER STRUBEL!!!!" and ran over to me. Then told me to stay right there and that she would be back. (being behind the register i couldnt and didnt want to go anywhere) when she came through my line she seemed so genuinly happy to be seeing me after such a long time. as she was walking out she looked back at me and said a certain phrase we used to always say to each other. then slowly walked out.
At that moment a flood of happiness, sadness, and wondering hit me like a wall of bricks. The what ifs were what hurt the most but i kept reminding myself i was better off with how things turned out, but the battle in my head that somehow if i would have done things differently everything could have been different.
Then when i got to portage i signed onto meebo like i usually do and saw rickys name (my ex best friend) on my msn list (which i rarely use since msn has eben broken long before my computer was) and was kind of shocked. I have gotten so used to the fact that hes not supposed to be apart of my life, but seeing his name just brought back alot of good AND bad memories. Shaking it off i went to facebook,where of course, he had been on and commented on a few peoples statuses right after me. ( he hasnt been on facebook for over 7 months( 2 months before we stopped talking) and that fact put the thoughts into overdrive.
Going to bed last night was difficult, everytime i closed my eyes i would see old pictures of us, or relive the many fun times we all had together. So i turned on some disciple, and just prayed for guidance. WAking up in the morning i felt oddly at ease, i had my amazing nephew in my arms, and a huge smile on my face(even though i got less then 4 hours of sleep.) then i went onto messanger and his name was still there. even though i deleted it the night before, so i messaged him (i had to work up alot of courage to type this, knowing this was the official nail in the coffin so to speak)....i typed " Hey can you please block me/ delete me from your list. i tryed deleting you but it just wouldnt work for some reason" he responded with a few questions and i answered and then after he was done i just said "ok w.e. dont but ill figure out something" and that was the official end. and the shocker...i was OK. not wanting to S.I. not feeling emotional at all. just overwhelm with the sense that it had to be done and things could have never been the way they were and the way they are now. because with him in my life i dont think i could have accepted god into my life. he was a poison of my thoughts and almost my actions.
THEN tonight. on my way home from my brothers house i was thinking of a question to ask of a certain friend in response to an honesty status he posted where he had to answer any question i asked 100% honestly. Well i knew what i wanted to ask i just didnt have the right words to ask it. and on the way home it just clicked and i made a mental note of it. As soon as i got home and saw they were online i emailed the question to them. " what is something(assuming there is a something) that you have wanted/needed to tell me but for some reason havent?" And this persons response i expected to be comical or something off the wall...but it touched my heart so deeply not only because of what was said but because this person was so honest and open evne though i could tell it was difficult for them to share. And after hearing(or is it seeing) what they had been holding in. i felt so much more closer to them then almost anyone else ive ever talked to. AND the happiest i have been in months. (and ive been fairly happy most of the time =]) I just thank god so much for bringing yet another person into my life that i can honestly feel is with me for the long haul. and truely likes me for me.

Looking back on the past few days and all of its events i feel as though god was pushing me to finally release the last demon from that old friendship so i could see fully that everything that happened(and the way it happened) had to happen to make everything i have in my life right now so important and special to me. And even though at times i still have that nagging what if thought i hope i can remember tonights revelation and keep it close to my heart. because if you cant trust god...who can you trust
*do you know what it feels like to want to surrender*

God always has a positive answer

Today i got my diagnosis(well at least a pre diagnosis) and it is PCOS. I was woken up at 8:30 to a phonecall from the doctors...let me tell you, not the best way to wake up. So after the phone call i just awake, thinking, and for the first time in awhile, having fears and feeling a slight loss of hope.(which really worried me) So i just sat down and talked it out with god. And i realized this is just a pebble in the road not a mountain. Yes i have a life long disease/syndrom. But theres treatments for it and it doesnt change who i am or how i will go about my life. So then instead of feeling sorry for myself i began praising god that its nothing more serious and that there are treatments. I also know if its in gods will that i have children he will provide.

While reading through a friends blog i found this and it just made my night. after all my doubts and fears it was a nice reminder.

GOD HAS A POSITIVE ANSWER

You say: 'It's impossible'

God says: All things are possible

(Luke 18:27)

You say: 'I'm too tired'

God says: I will give you rest

(Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: 'Nobody really loves me'

God says: I love you

(John 3:16 & John 3:34 )

You say: 'I can't go on'

God says: My grace is sufficient

(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: 'I can't figure things out'

God says: I will direct your steps

(Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: 'I can't do it'

God says: You can do all things

(Philippians 4:13)

You say: 'I'm not able'

God says: I am able

(II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: 'It's not worth it'

God says: It will be worth it

(Roman 8:28 )

You say: 'I can't forgive myself'

God says: I Forgive you

(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: 'I can't manage'

God says: I will supply all your needs

(Philippians 4:19)

You say: 'I'm afraid'

God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear

(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated'

God says: Cast all your cares on ME

(I Peter 5:7)

You say: 'I'm not smart enough'

God says: I give you wisdom

(I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: 'I feel all alone'

God says: I will never leave you or forsake you

(Hebrews 13:5)

I love how people make these and forward them through emails and such but people seldom actually, truly, REALLY believe them. If God says it, He means it because believe me, if He didn't mean it, He wouldn't have said it to begin with. So, REST in Him and take joy in the fact that you are His child and have nothing to really worry about. Have peace and be truly happy! :) ~peace.

*do you know what it feels like to want to surrender*

So much to blog...such a little keyboard

I just got back from visiting an amazing friend who shared her notes with me on her weekend. It's so inspiring to see god work and really show himself like he did with my friend. I have so many thoughts on what she learned and shared with me but since I only have my iPod to type on I must wait till another day. Things to come. God chose you! My weekend. Reflection on music and lots more

This weekend

Tonight after some relaxing alone time with god and reading a friends blog i am feeling very calm and loved. Until about a few weeks ago i had been feeling kind of jealous of one of my very close friends who is going out of town for the weekend. We had made some plans to go to some skillet shows this weekend long ago. but never really made it official, yet in my mind they were set in stone. So when she started talking about going to meet another friend of hers and hanging out with her i realized i wasn't going with her and that she needed to go out on her own because god was calling her to step out of her comfort zone for what HE wants for her. Even though i knew this i was still upset that WE wern't going to be having an epic weekend together.

Then after i had some serious god time, it suddenly dawned on me that this was a GOOD thing for me too. She is going to be having one of the best weekends of her life thus far, and instead of sitting home and feeling sorry for myself like i initially was planning on doing. A certain accordion playing friend of mine told me that *I* cant sit around and do nothing about my life and expect to have a good time. So in an attempt to cheer me up he planned a virtual day at the beach for us to hang out and play in the sand and get "down and dirty" as swamp monsters =P even though its only a virtual thing it just the fact that he would think of that to make me feel better really showed me he cares.

A few days after this convo with "A" friend and i were sitting around bored and decided that we should hang out soon. And being that i didn't want to be home alone this weekend i suggested we get together to hang out. This will be the first time that i will be driving more then 45 min to go see someone EVER and also the first time that we will hang out with just us(which normally i would be freaking out and very nervous) but in the past few months me and "A" friend have gotten very close and have had some very long convos about things i don't talk about with many other people. So i am VERY excited to be spending the weekend with her(which i also haven't done with anyone since my best friend and i had our falling out) and just having some great lounging time.

Since my accordion playing friend and "A" friend have reached out to me like this, and having some very amazing god times and just being reminded by my special friend that you need to be Living not just alive have really had me in a great mood. Every aspect of my life just seems to be better. not that they have changed. *I* have changed, and my outlook on things have changed. i even had the guts to talk to my parents about being baptized and when they criticized me for it. i didn't let it get me down. i just turned to Jesus and knew that it was the right thing to do. Work has even been great. (which has never happened to me) but i shall blog about my whole work experience later. this blog is already WAY to long and full of babble. (sorry to whoever is still reading this =P i owe you a cookie for being so determined to finish reading this)

But i am off to pray for a few friends who are going through rough times. and also pray for my close friend to keep her positive look on life and this weekend. <3

*do you know what it feels like to want to surrender*

Ahh to be able to blog again

I realized a few weeks ago that i haven't blogged in awhile and since i started using a new web browser and had all my info bookmarked on my old one i couldn't sign in. But i finally found the email with my sign in info so IM BACK!

First of all i would like to follow up to my last blog. i am happy to announce shortly after that blog was written i came to the realization (with the help from knowing he was falling for someone else) that it was all just a fantasy and that in actuality i had fallen for the guy in my dreams and not the actual guy. so my heart won a few battles, but did NOT win the WAR. :D

Another reason i've been feeling the need to blog is my health. a few months ago i got a phone call that i had been moved up on the waiting list and could come in the next day instead of Dec 10th. this in itself was a blessing because i have been very worried about my health since my nephew has been born. But anyway. they did lots of blood tests (9 vials worth) and i recently got a call with the test results. they believe they have narrowed it down to two illnesses/issues. the first one i have believed I've had shortly after the problems arose. but no doctor would peg the diagnoses so early being i was 13? so they said oh wait till your 16 and we will do tests. and the same thing when i turned 16 about waiting till i was 18 because i might just outgrow it. well I'm 18 and here i am. about to be diagnosed with a life long issue (i don't want to say illness because it doesn't actually make you feel ill. it just affects your body in not so pleasant ways)

In a way, I'm glad to finally have an answer to what has been wrong with me for so many years. but annoyed at the same time that i could have been being treated years ago. Now i just have to face the reality of what is to come. One of the issues i believe can be cured (but i don't know much about it yet because it was just brought up for the first time last week) but the other one. which is the one the doc is pretty sure i have and the one i pretty much KNOW i have, is a life long issue. it can be treated but not cured. THAT'S not what bothers me about it though. sure ill have to take a pill every day of my life. big deal. the ONE thing that completly FREAKS me out. People with this disease are rarely able to have children, even with the aid of fertilization drugs. I know that if i am meant to have children god will make it happen. and now that i have god in my life im not afraid of falling into a deep depression again, but i still sometimes wonder to myself if this is a sign that i shouldnt have/ wont have children. All i can do is pray and remember that god can make anything happen (as a good friend pointed out to me) and not give up hope.

well this blog is pretty lengthy and its almost 2 am. but i have lots more to blog about so hopefully there will be more in the next week or so on concerts, work, and of course friends

*do you know what it feels like to want to surrender*

old poetry...same feelings.

Today, after a great day of hanging out with liz and liz, i came home to watch the game and such. A regular night like any other night, until i found an email in my imbox from an old poetry site i used to post on. Well of course i went to read some of the stuff i had written. Most of it was from my deep depression that thankfully i am learning to overcome thanks to my new relationship with god. But i also found a few poems about love. or bad experiences with what i thought was love. Then i found this untitled poem.

I lie awake

staring into space
wondering what you are doing at this very moment
hoping you will talk to me
realizing that you wont
My heart is breaking
into tiny shards of sarrow
wishing to be in the dark again
because i still love you and it kills me
A single tear runs down my cheeck
as i long for true love
from my one true love

And thought it was an all too familiar feeling. i am currently in the middle of a war between my heart and my mind. My mind tells me i shouldnt like this person for several reasons. He is almost 20 years older then me. He IS single but he has three children (one of which is only 6 years younger then me) he has been married so he is a bit jaded, i have been told he isnt a good guy to date because of his attitudes twords women.

Here is another poem that also is a familiar feeling/hope when i think of this person

I wake up
its dark and rainy
i think of you and when we will talk next
The sun begins to break through
I check my messages and here your voice
A huge smile is now on my face
Signin onto msn your name pops up
Im estatic now
The clouds are gone and the sun is shining brightly
we make plans to see each other
Later that day, as i get ready
My stomach begins to churn, my cheeks are rosey
the time has finally come, we are together
Laying under the stars snuggled into your arms
the whole world seems to be ours
I look up at you, you look down at me, and our eyes meet
" i love you" we say to each other
Ever worry within us melts away

But then my heart jumps in...i find myself looking forward to checking my facebook to see if he has commented or posted anything on my page. i find myself thinking about him alot even though i try not to. And even though there is an age difference and he has baggage....baggage isnt always a bad thing. I know he has alot of pain left over from his divorce and past relationships...but so do i, and my heart just wants to reach out to him when he is hurting and take his pain away. When i hear he has had a bad day or has been rejected again. i just want to be there with him to make him feel better about himself. from what i have seen he is a good guy and whoever ends up with him will be very lucky. as long as he is happy and i am at least his friend who he can trust and confide in i will be content because i know god has brought him into my life for a reason and has a plan. what that is i have no idea...but i know theres a reason

Realistically i know i will never end up with him...but i just cant convince my heart of that. no matter how much i try. I am done rambling....back to the war i must go. and one day i hope one side is victorious...so i can move on

*do you know what it feels like to want to surrender*

Best day of my life! (ik ik it sounds corny)

**i apologize in advance, very long and detailed post. i left out a few thigns just to save space but here it is. the best day of my life**

After a night like last night i had no idea what god was trying to tell me. But after today i know he was showing me how strong i truely can be with his help. Afte the first time of truly opening up and and just talking to god, he showed me the reason for all the trials he has put me through. If i didnt have those horrible times it wouldnt make great nights like tonight special.
Waking up this morning i was hopefull that tonight would brighten my spirits. It did so much more. I was content when i woke up to an empty house and a message from liz letting me know she was getting done early. (this was the first sign today was going to be amazing) After showering and waiting for liz to get home, my parents showed up with a package for me. SKILLETS NEW ALBUM HAD ARRIVED!!(sign 2) Thats when the smile i havent had in ages became glued to my face. Pumped, i headed over to liz's with skillet merch in hand.
The drive to liz's was beautiful, i had awake blairing. No worrys in my head(which is rare, especially after last night.) When i got to liz's i hid my shirt from her and calmly st down on her bed (when in actuallity i was screaming and jumping up and down in my head) She turned around and i was holding up her skillet cd shirt and pass. Thankfully as she turned around she had cloed the door because she kind f hunched over screamed and fell back into the door =] It could have killed her but it was the best reaction i could have ever exspected. So naturally we put in th cd and rocked out while we wrapped our heads in ace bandages to imitate te awake album. (the photos were epic that we took.) While we were rocking out to skillet we were waiting to leave to see isaiah 42:10 perform. we were worried about being late but then again we had skillet and knew we would get there for the show no matter what. so we kept rocking.
Once we decided to leave we followed her parents out to the house were they were playing. They took some really strange roads and i began having a mini- panic attack because i wasnt in control and had to trust that they knew were they were going while horrible thoughts of becoming lost and never gettig to see isaiah play. Well after awhile i started to calm down thanks to liz being random and her takign random pics. It tookmy mind off of things. Then we arrived!
We set our stuff by her parents and set out to say hi to everyone and take pics. The beach was beyod beautiful and the people their were all having a great time. On the beach liz and i went to a lil hidden part f the beach past the dock and fund a stick and wrote in the sand. i suggested "skillet" and she wrote "skillet Awake" and then to my suprise she began writing something else. "~jen &liz~ ~friends~" (sign 3) Usually i would be the one who would have to think of something special like that and in that moment i cant compare this friendship with any other friendship ive ever had. this was a friendship sent from god. So after taking pics of the beach we headed back to talk to the band and such.
Shortly after that, the band before isaiah was finishing up and chris decided to play some music. What did he choose? Skillet's comatose. Of course me and liz let out ascream and started headbangng and singing along like any true panhead would. then liz being the craziest panhead began some hardcore heabanging and i captred it with my camera. She was rocking out s hard she even fell over backwords from eing dizzy....did that stop her....i think not! Then it was isaiahs turn to rawk!
They had somesound difficulties and my camera died hortly after tey began playing but it was all good! There wasnt a real stage so we got super close and rawked out like true isaiah 42:10 fans =] There were these two kids who jumped "onstage" and started dancing around. Band members almost tripping over them while dancing *cough* ben*cough* It was adorable. Abbie got some vids which i hope worked out better then CM ones, And we even go ben to wear abbies hat onstage! itwas hillarious. Then ben decided to come out to visit us while he was rapping and singing and such. He even did a dance with us! =P it was sO much fun to be able to be there worshiping god with such a great grop of people.
Once they finished playing we hung around to hear a sneak peak of there new album (flamethrower) and chris gave me a HUGE discount on cd's and a poster. which was amazing. There were spiders everywhere, andof course i was freaking out, but ben and everyone must have been feeling rather adveturous because first ben picked up a twig bug thingy that apparently had pinchers but tickled. then he picked up a HUGE daddy long legs which i ran the opposite way afraid someone was gunna throw one at me. but anyway. After we forgot about the bugs the band began taking down all the stuff and we made our way around talkign to chris, jeff, harley and of course ben. Everyone was in a very silly mood and i learned the oragins of the "pretty abbie" hahahaha. Then everoen gathered in teh darkness to take a group photo. i stood by liz and ben. it was kind of chaotic but i think they turne out decent. or at least i hope they did. They are totally going on my wll either way. Because DUh best night f my life. At this point we were all prtty tired but so hyped up and high on jesus tht we didnt want it to end. So someone suggested we all go to ihop....This is were the night turned from awsome to epically the best night of my life.
Me, liz, brian and kristy arrived at about the same time and i was worried no one else would show up =[ but thankfully shortly after we arrived ben abbie chris and jeff showed up. we all decided o what we wanted and while we waited for the waitress the goofyness continued and liz whipped out a notebok to capture all the quotes and funny lines from the table. Once we allgot our food we said grace...which felt really good. it felt nice to be able to openly thank god fo what i have in my life at that time. it felt like a bigfamily sitting around for a dinner. (the big smile is still pastered on my face) Then we all start eating and tons of laughter and stupid funny quotes followed. Abbie and kristy were beet red by the end of the late night outing and my sides were hurtig from all the laughter.
After we all got our bills payed e all headed outside. i wanted togo over and wish everyone a afe drive so we headed over to abbies car which was next to bens bike( yes he wascrazyand road a bike 40 min home in 50 degree weather) Jeff came over and gave me a hug and said he was glad to see me again and is glad they have anther great fan. Then Ben came over to me gave mea big hug and said "welcome to the group" that was it. that was the Stamp that said " BEST NIGHT EVER!" written all over it. To feel liked and welcomed by such a close knit "family" is such an amazing feeling. God is great in the way he just places people in your life tht help you realize he is here and he loves you. Why else would i be so blessed to have these people in my life. Even though i doubt any of them will read this i just want to say a HUGE thanks to Ben, Liz, abbie, chris, jeff, christy, harley, and sarah even though she wasnt there tonight to be with us. And that you have truely opened my eyes to god and a happiness i have never experianced before. I will do everything in my power to keep this feeling with me at all times. Because now i know if god puts hurdles in my path i can turn to him and these lovely people to help me through.


*do you know what it feels like to want to surrender*

The past...jaded

I lay hear after a very stressful but good night... me and liz had a great night and had a fun little photoshoot. So i came home and decided to try to find some photos i had taken of a sunset and edit them...what i found took me back to hundreds of great memories of friends who no longer exsist in my life.
Dont wake me is playing in my headm triggered extremely and i am in tears. Everything just went so wrong and many hurtful words were exchanged on both parts. Its so sad how one person who lives with you can turn people against each other for no apparant reason. 5+ years of friendship down the tubes because of her.
i miss them so much and feel so powerless in getting them back, but even if somehow we did become friends again it would never be the same "laugh till you cry for no reason" relationship..it would be tainted now. But i would still do anything in my powers to go back and change how everything happened.
God i miss them....their smiles, their jokes, their presence...now i am here alone. all i can do is pray that the lord shows me the reason why this has to be this way. i cant believe this is the best course that could have played out.
*do you know what it feels like to want to surrender*

Isaiah 42:10 nightmare

warning**** tragic and may be triggering

After staying up late last night with liz talking about this weekends concert plans it must have still been on my mind when i went to sleep....here is the dream that made me wake up in tears...title "do you believe in god"

`setting` Isaiah 42:10 concert on 8-18-09 outside, near a body of water

The dream started out a beautiful afternoon. There were familys with huge smiles on their faces hugging their children and enjoying the festivals. I, of course, was going to enjoy the isaiah show with liz like usual. The band had just arrived and started doing soundcheck. Aaron wanted his usual manly guyliner for the show, so liz was kind and did his makeup for him. Happiness is surrounding me and liz and we have the feeling that nothing can go wrong. Ben and chris invited us t come backstage with them and chill before the concert. Of course we were stoked and quickly followed them. Everyone in the band is so nice and funny its a blessing to be in their company. After taking pics and messin around some liz goes off wth some other friends and i stay behind with ben, chris, and aaron. The band is in need of sunblock and water so i offer to drive them to the store and aaron comes to be a stand in body gaurd so we dont get mobbed too horribly.

When we are returning to the venue i notice some strange looking guys just standing around looking from each other, then looking around, then back to meet eyes. (vry creepy) i did not want to drop the guys off rigt infront o those guys because i had a bad feelin about them so i pulled up about 20 feet, parked and got out of the car and started tounload the waater and such. when i returned from putting the water in a cooler i see that the boys had nt gotten ou of the van and there was a little bit of a crowd around th epassanger side. as i get closer i see aaron and chris sneaking out of the driverside passanger door.
This throws me into extreme panic. so i run up to them and ask what is going on. Aaron replys " theres a man with a gun...Ben is still in there! hes trapped!" i begin to freak out but keep my cool as much as possible to save ben. i go around the van to see one of the scary guys pointing a gun at ben. I immidiatly know this could endvery baly and beg the familys to call 9-1-1 and get their children far from the van.
(at this time the dream pans over to liz who is with her best friend) they are talking about how excited they are for the show and cant wait to hang out with the band after the show. (they are in a car driving around the town) when they see cops and ambulances heading twords the festival grounds they decide to followto see what is going on. thankfully the couldnt get through.

(pans very quickly back to ben and jen at the van) The man turns out to be an aithiest who has come to break up the concert and stop them from spreading the love of god. He calmly asks ben if he believes in god. Ben says "yes he is the reason i live." the man got very aggitated after asking him a few more times. he screams " there is no such thing as eternal life, the lord, or heaven and hell.!!!" ben stays calm and starts preaching how god will always love you and he will come into your life at any point in your life even if you have sinned. tears start rolling down my eyes. The man had had enough. ~points the gun directly at ben's hat that has a cross on it~ and yells " DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD??!" ben knowing what is going to happen says a prayer tells me not to be mad at god for this and says " yes the lord is real and his love will never leave me" the man pulls the trigger.
i leap twords ben but it is too late. i lay there holding him as he takes his last breath. i immediatly begin praying to the lord that ben be protected in his afterlife and let his soul live on within us. He had died because he believed in god. when aaron heard the gun shot he came running and tackled the man who murdered ben. there were also 2 other people shot because they refused to say tha they didnt believe in god. andthis whole time i had no idea where liz was, if shewas ok, and didnt know how she would react tothis horrible event on the anniversary of a horrible day in her life. i went running aroudn the park after leaving ben with aaron and chris, and found liz tryign to get through the traffic. she saw i was hsysterical and knew something horrible had happened. i asked her to pray with me. then i just hugged her and quietly told her that ben had served the lord and is now with him for eternity. liz fell to her knees and all i could do was hold her and cry with her.

and thats the horrible nightmare that woke me up in tears.

my first blog

Hello anyone who takes time to read this,
i have been told blogs can be very theraputic and a good way to express feelings. (which is something i need to work on) so i have decided to create this blog. i used to write poetry as my release but stopped after being critiqued about my writin style and such. I have dealt with my emotions in many unhealthy ways and im hoping this blog will help me through that struggle.
Even though i may be only 18 i have been through quite alot of horric/ stressful situations that will live with me for the rest of my life. An just recently i lost the "best" friend i had ever had up till that point. But in actuallity this fight was a bessingin disguise. yes i still miss this friend from time to time but being on my own away from this person has made me more outgoing(ive even gone to two concerts! which would have never happened if i wasnt stepping into my own) this horrible falling out also made me realize, yes even though me and this friend had been through alot of rough times together in the 5 years we were friends, that it was not a healthy relationship. And right beneath my nose was an amazing person i believe was put in my life by god to help me survive...no help me LIVE. and for that i am truely happy.
Recently thanks to this new best friend i have been opening up to god and letting him into my heart. It has been an amazing truely moving experiance and cant wait until the time when i can completely open myself to the lord. She has also introduced me to some amazing christian music that i am completely in love with <3
But i feel like i am rambling... I will be using this blog to reflect on days events, as a dream diary(first one coming soon) and anything else that my wander into my mind. thanks for reading. and if you would like to know anything t all feel fee to ask. Peace