I realized a few weeks ago that i haven't blogged in awhile and since i started using a new web browser and had all my info bookmarked on my old one i couldn't sign in. But i finally found the email with my sign in info so IM BACK!
First of all i would like to follow up to my last blog. i am happy to announce shortly after that blog was written i came to the realization (with the help from knowing he was falling for someone else) that it was all just a fantasy and that in actuality i had fallen for the guy in my dreams and not the actual guy. so my heart won a few battles, but did NOT win the WAR. :D
Another reason i've been feeling the need to blog is my health. a few months ago i got a phone call that i had been moved up on the waiting list and could come in the next day instead of Dec 10th. this in itself was a blessing because i have been very worried about my health since my nephew has been born. But anyway. they did lots of blood tests (9 vials worth) and i recently got a call with the test results. they believe they have narrowed it down to two illnesses/issues. the first one i have believed I've had shortly after the problems arose. but no doctor would peg the diagnoses so early being i was 13? so they said oh wait till your 16 and we will do tests. and the same thing when i turned 16 about waiting till i was 18 because i might just outgrow it. well I'm 18 and here i am. about to be diagnosed with a life long issue (i don't want to say illness because it doesn't actually make you feel ill. it just affects your body in not so pleasant ways)
In a way, I'm glad to finally have an answer to what has been wrong with me for so many years. but annoyed at the same time that i could have been being treated years ago. Now i just have to face the reality of what is to come. One of the issues i believe can be cured (but i don't know much about it yet because it was just brought up for the first time last week) but the other one. which is the one the doc is pretty sure i have and the one i pretty much KNOW i have, is a life long issue. it can be treated but not cured. THAT'S not what bothers me about it though. sure ill have to take a pill every day of my life. big deal. the ONE thing that completly FREAKS me out. People with this disease are rarely able to have children, even with the aid of fertilization drugs. I know that if i am meant to have children god will make it happen. and now that i have god in my life im not afraid of falling into a deep depression again, but i still sometimes wonder to myself if this is a sign that i shouldnt have/ wont have children. All i can do is pray and remember that god can make anything happen (as a good friend pointed out to me) and not give up hope.
well this blog is pretty lengthy and its almost 2 am. but i have lots more to blog about so hopefully there will be more in the next week or so on concerts, work, and of course friends
