so lately ive been having a hard time sleeping and i dont like it. Ive been going back and forth in my head for hours about certain situations ive been in in the past and how i wish i knew how to not be the way i am usually when it comes to pleasing other people. i just blogged my guts out in a private blog/journal but im not sure if it helped yet. ive been doubting myself....well not myself but aspects of me and things i do. Which has led me to some scary thoughtsand doubts and feelings of shame just for thinking them and not doing anything about them...yet i have no idea how todo anything about them because i honestly stuck between a rock and a hardplace. i wont win in either scenario because of how i know things will play out *facepalm* all i feel i can do is wait this out...but thats what i have been doing and if i keep doing that im still loosing... i wish i was better at communication without fear of being attacked or belittled for what i have to say...this whole thing would be so much easier. its after 4 am i tried going to bed hours ago and just tossed and turned. hoping my private blog and this will have helped clear my mind enough to get a few hours of sleep before what was supposed to be a good day tomorrow...err today? anyway im going to go sit outside and try to connect again and even if i cant ill just pray knowing that he hears me. then SLEEP hopefully
*do you know what it feels like to want to surrender*
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